Note to Self

“Try to avoid triggers,”
my doctor says, articles bold,
labels read,
Try to avoid
heat and pressure and changes
in temperature.

Note to self:
Cancel all your meetings
because you can’t be
in a small conference room
with the door shut.
And make building maintenance
shut off the heat above
your cube.

Skip over Spring
and never get in the car
when it is forty degrees outside
and the heat is blasting.
Sell your winter coat
because you only ever need it when
you forget it, anyways.

Don’t let him hold you
under the covers
or put his hand on your leg.
Aim the fan at your face
even in January
because your bodies are still
close.

Throw a sheet over the sun
and live inside this summer.
There is no such thing as the beach
and there’s nothing good
about things in the light.

No bonfires for you either—
Flames shouldn’t lick you,
only your cat should.

Back under the covers, you have
nowhere else to go.
You let him hold you anyways
because if anything is a trigger,
you’re glad it’s him.

 

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